my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
