I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
