everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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