Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
