I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
