I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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