Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
