I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
