If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wear drunk well.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
