we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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