the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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