She's JV to your varsity
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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