Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
