margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
