im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
