Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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