He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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