I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
