You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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