How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
