oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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