it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
