Can i not drive my cunt home
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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