Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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