oh god the rape fog is back!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
