My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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