So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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