its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
as a side note pls kill me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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