around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
