He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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