I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
