Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
