Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
