You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
