morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
