Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he shaved USA in his pubs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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