we have officially lost it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
