btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
