Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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