I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
