i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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