I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
