youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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