In the future we'll all be gay
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will be naked everywhere
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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