It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
