i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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