She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
