you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
