Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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