The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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