dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
