Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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