filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
