I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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