dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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