I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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