I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
