I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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