Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize