if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
