i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
