Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They have beer where we have blood.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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